Why do we need healthy boundaries?
You cannot break free from unhealthy individuals while standing in their presence. You will need healthy boundaries, because without healthy boundaries it will almost be impossible to maintain your physical, emotional and spiritual health. It is very important to stay alert, to develop a heightened sense of awareness, similar to Homeland Security. Your homeland is your body, your mind, and your spiritual health. The number one tactic of the enemy, using unhealthy people, is to catch you off guard– to catch you unaware.
If you become fascinated or intrigued by the unhealthy aggressive and manipulative behavior, you are vulnerable. Breaking free from these attractions will require you to become more observant, to listen, not just hearing, but listening to what the unhealthy are saying. It will require discernment, prayer, educating yourself through God’s word and accountability to an individual who is spiritually grounded in the Word.
Paul has much to say about mind control and the devastation that occurs when we live according to the desires of the flesh. He must have known something about unhealthy and unsafe people.
But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It is rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—–a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduced His character in you. What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretenses. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we are connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you are lying to yourself.” Ephesians 4: 20-25, MSG
Believe it or not, you can set boundaries and still be a loving individual. In fact, setting boundaries is a loving act. Imagine what it would be like if we had no boundaries.
What if we said yes to every request that came along?
There are legitimate boundaries. Legitimate boundaries are those we have for protection. We have the responsibility to protect our emotions, for controlling our behavior, our attitudes and our Christian beliefs.
Individuals who are relentless and persistent, those unhealthy individuals who have a hard time understanding the word “no,” will often be upset with our boundaries. Boundaries protect your time, your love, your energy, your emotional, spiritual, and physical health. Remember there is only so much of you to go around, and you alone are responsible for how you disperse each of these areas of your time, your love and your energy.
I love what John Bradshaw said in his book titled, Homecoming. It is never too late to have a healthy childhood. By that he means that, through new healthier boundaries, we can care for the child within us—raising him or her in healthier ways, to mature into the man or woman God created us to be. Boundaries help us learn and maintain our identity in Christ and keep us from placing others in the position of idols in our lives.
So how do we maintain our own identity in Christ and still serve and love one another well? We will look at some hard questions to ask ourselves in our last post.
Thank you for posting!!!!!!
Amen! We too often think that when we set boundaries or remove ourselves from unhealthy relationships that we are acting like we don’t care. The truth is that we do care – about ourselves. We can not live a life pleasing to the Father when we are surrounded with toxic people.
You are absolutely right! When looking at the life of Jesus Himself, you can see how he did not offer 100% of Himself to 100% of people. He “knew” people, a gift we do not have as humans, but we can learn how to “read” people and trust them as the healthiness of the relationship allows.
And sometimes we have to get away to a desolate place with the Father and take stock of all of our relationships and responsibilities to maintain healthiness.
Thanks for your comments!
Jesus Himself did not offer 100% of Himself to 100% of people! Amazing statement! I have been studying boundaries setting for a few weeks now and I must say this post help me a great deal. Thank you for writing.