I mentioned in a previous post that my writing here has been nearly nonexistent in the last few months. One reason is that I have entered the final year of my doctoral studies. My Comprehensive Oral Exams and my Thesis Prospectus hearings are next week, and I’ve spent the last few months consumed with teaching and preparing for next week. Between those two tasks, there has been little time, energy, or concentration available for much else.

Below is an update on my continuing doctoral studies and information on how you can help me finish well.

As I am beginning the final year of my doctoral research, many have asked about research topics, how they can pray and how they can help.

Many thanks to all of you who have encouraged and supported me through this journey the last three years. One more to go!

1 “The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn,
3 To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”
4 And they shall rebuild the old ruins, They shall raise up the former desolations, And they shall repair the ruined cities, The desolations of many generations. Isaiah 61:1-4

I haven’t had cable or Internet since I moved 5 weeks ago. The digital disconnect has been a refreshing detox, and has given me time to do some much needed soul searching and re-evaluation of life in general.

I also had a Harry Potter movie marathon.

Don’t hate. It’s Christmas break and I desperately needed some time doing nothing. I generally try to not think too much when I’m intentionally having some down time, but the last few days I’ve thought several times about a specific scene in one of the movies.

In Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry goes to the Headmaster’s office to speak with him. While waiting for Professor Dumbledore, Harry notices Dumbledore’s bird, perched by his desk. As Harry reaches out to pet the bird, it bursts into flames and falls to ashes.

Harry is terrified that he has killed his headmaster’s bird, but Dumbledore explains that his bird Fawkes is a Phoenix, a mythical creature who bursts into flames when its life is over, but who is reborn from the ashes of its death.

That scene and statement has rolled around in my head as 2013 burst into flames and 2014 stuck its little head out of the pile of ashes.

Meditating on any thought for too long eventually gives the Holy Spirit time to pull me around to Scripture, and this morning I awoke with the passage above now rolling in my head.

So many times, my plans for my life have crashed and burned, and while I have stood by, terrified by the wreckage I had created, God has mercifully and gently stepped in, gathered the ashes of my mess and created something infinitely more beautiful than I could have ever imagined on my own.

This is the passage from Isaiah that Jesus read in the synagogue in Nazareth in Luke 4, the public proclamation of the start of His earthly ministry. He declares Himself to be the One who will take the ashes of life and give us beauty for them. He gives joy, praise, righteousness, and glory in exchange for bondage and destruction.

Maybe you’ve been like Harry, reaching out to grasp something beautiful to behold, only to watch it burst into flames and become a pile of ashes before your eyes.

Maybe you feel like your carefully crafted, safe little world is on the verge of a crash and burn.

Maybe the best thing you can do is let it.

Let go of your control.
Let it go and let it burn.
Your plans.
Your ideas.
Your image.
Your reputation.
Your presumptions and prejudices.
Let them burn.

Our Father makes the most amazing things out of ashes.

I haven’t posted an original thought on this blog in nearly five months. Were there words to explain the reasons why, I could fill a book. Words, however, continue to escape me. But this picture, captured from the journal of a 9th grader, is taped to my computer screen at work.

On days for which I have no words, these always seem to fill the silence.

Some days, love and obedience are intentional choices we make. They are intentional decisions to chase after the God who created and loves us. The choice to follow rather than run away.

Today, I choose to follow, not run. His love is better. Of this I am certain.

I always appreciate someone with the gift of setting words to music. Poetry has been a talent I have coveted for most of my life; I so love it, and completely lack the ability to think in such a manner.

This is one of those songs that cries out the words of my heart that I wish I could speak, but cannot express myself.

Awakening by Sara Groves

Dress down your pretty faith, give me something real
Leave out the Thee and Thou and speak to me now
Speak to my pain and confusion
Speak through my fears and my pride
Speak to the part of me that knows I’m something deep down inside

I know that I’m not perfect, but compare me to most
In a world of hurt in a world of anger I think I’m holding my own
And I know that you’ve said there is more to life
No I am not satisfied
But there are mornings I wake up and I’m just thankful to be alive

I’ve known for quite a while that I am not whole
I’ve remembered the body and the mind, but dissected the soul
Now something inside is awakening
Like a dream I once had and forgot
And it’s something I’m scared of and something I don’t want to stop

I woke up this morning and realized
Jesus is not a portrait
Or stained glass windows
Or hymns
Or all the tradition that surrounds us

I thought it would be hard to believe in, but it’s not hard at all
To believe I’ve sinned
And fallen short
Of the glory of God

He’s not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He’s asking to take my place
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real amazing grace

And it’s not just a sign or a sacrament
It’s not just a metaphor for love
The blood is real and it’s not just a symbol of our faith

7 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. 8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; 10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, 11 if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. ~Philippians 3

To know the fellowship of his sufferings… I’ve been meditating on this one phrase, and this is the question I’m returning to day after day; do I desire to be a part of that fellowship?Am I willing to take the fellowship of his suffering along with the fellowship of his banquet table. Like Job asking his wife, am I willing to accept His good without also accepting his suffering?

Am I so grafted in with Christ that I share in both, or do I try to pick and choose when I fellowship with Christ?

(Photo Credit: http://jtbarts.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/the_fellowship_of_sharing_in_christs_sufferings-1024×729.jpg)