Biblical Counseling

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Instruments, Part 4


Chapters Seven and Eight deal with Tripp’s concept of Christian love and how followers of Christ should interact with one another in loving relationships. In order for the reader to become an instrument for the radical change needed in the hearts of people today, Tripp states it is necessary to consider the following point: “I am deeply persuaded that the foundation for people-transforming ministry is not sound theology; it is love” (117). Tripp does not discount sound theology. Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer is a writing full of sound explanations and applications of Scripture. But his point is expressed in an old Sunday school poster: “They don’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.” People need to know they are loved, and Tripp firmly states in this section that there is more to love than conditional lip service. People who truly want to be a light in the world around them must have a grasp on the unconditional, committed love of Christ.

Paul says, “You are recipients of Christ’s love and nothing can separate you from it.” This love offers hope to anyone willing to confess sin and cry out for transformation. Yet this is where we often get stuck. We want ministry that doesn’t demand love that is, well, so demanding! We don’t want to serve others in a way that requires so much personal sacrifice. We would prefer to lob hand grenades of truth into people’s lives rather than lay down our lives for them (118).

Tripp clearly lays out in these opening pages a call that will be difficult to accept for many. Being an instrument of the Redeemer means giving up the right to perform as an instrument of your own will or agenda. This is a well explained point, and a challenging call that the reader is forced to ponder as the book continues. Christ has not called us to a life of convenient assistance. Rather, we have been called to follow in his footsteps and lay down our lives for our fellow man.

Once Tripp lays out this challenge for radical change in the love shown by the church, he explains how Christ has exhibited this love in the lives of all believers: through our “justification, adoption, and sanctification” (120). Relationships are the key element to the Heavenly Father’s work on this planet. Our relationship with Christ is what redeems us to Him, and our relationships with one another is one way he continues his sanctification work in each of us.

Tripp has written much to this point about the love and redeeming work of God, and so much discussion on love often brings up the questioning of God based on the suffering in the world. All of Chapter Eight is devoted to explaining to the reader how God is active in the suffering in this world to bring about redeeming change and ultimately show his love to the world. It this point, having an ultimate faith in the inerrancy of Scripture and the sovereignty of God becomes paramount to the reader’s understanding and acceptance of this idea. Suffering, Tripp states, is “one of God’s most useful workrooms” (145). In suffering, every person is brought to a level playing field of reliance upon God. Suffering is also the way Christ made redemption available to humanity. It was through his suffering that Christ made salvation available to man and showed that he understands the suffering people experience daily.

Tripp shows the reader that suffering has an ultimate purpose in the lives of people. Personal suffering is one of the greatest tools anyone can use to proclaim the sovereignty of God to the life of another. Experience can be the connecting bridge between God and man, and often it is the experience of similar or shared suffering that creates that bridge. Suffering also instills in God’s instruments a certain understanding and Christ-like compassion for those experiencing similar suffering. Often those who have traveled similar roads of suffering and change are the ones that can lead many down the same road of God’s healing love and redemption. Tripp closes the chapter by explaining that “God’s acceptance is not a call to relax, but a call to work…The grace God extends to us is always grace leading to change” (158). Radical change in the church will begin, Tripp concludes, when people become willing to share their sufferings with one another and then are willing to accept one another while assisting in the change God is seeking to make in lives.

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Instruments, Part 2


Focusing from the beginning on the need for change and for God in our lives may lead many to bristle and quickly defend that there needs to be no help shown to them in their lives. Tripp faces this argument head-on in Chapter Three. Going back to the very beginning of time, he proves to the reader that, whether it is admitted or not, all people are desperately in need of help. According to Tripp, there are several universal concepts that apply to mankind. First is the fact that humans were created to be dependent. This first statement goes against much of what the culture today teaches, but Tripp states that, “Genesis 1 confronts us with the fact that our need for help preceded sin… If there had been no Fall, if we had never sinned, we would still need help because we are human” (41).

The second universal quality of all humans, Tripp says, is that mankind was made to interpret. He states that man is not a machine that simply takes in facts, but rather man interprets, or thinks through, those facts and makes choices based more on the interpretation of facts rather than the facts themselves. Tripp argues that the only correct way to interpret any event in life is through the lens of God’s word (41).

Lastly, Tripp states that all people were created to worship. Whether we are worshiping God, ourselves, or something or someone else (45), all of mankind is in the act of worship at all times.

Tripp concludes this chapter by explaining that because all people are sinful, dependent, interpreting worshipers, then the only logical conclusion is that all people are also in need of some form of counseling and all people are counseling, or influencing, other people on a daily basis.

How does one ensure that the counsel being both given and received is, in fact, solid counsel? Tripp states in Chapter Four that the process of ensuring one counsels and receives counsel correctly begins in the heart. The word heart, for this discussion, refers to the Scriptural explanation: “the inner person (spirit, soul, mind emotions, will, etc.)” (59). The central discussion of this chapter relates to the thesis because, in order for a radical change to occur in people, one must know where and how to start the change. Tripp argues that change begins in the human heart. “One of the most important word pictures in the New Testament reveals Christ’s perspective on how people function. It is Christ’s answer to the age-old question, “Why do people do the things they do?”” (60).

In Luke 6:43-45, Jesus compares people to trees, explaining that the fruit in our lives is the behavior exhibited, and the heart is the root system that feeds the tree and influences the production of behavior. Tripp expands this illustration clearly and thoroughly throughout the remainder of the chapter, explaining to the reader both how most people attempt to “change” their fruit (a process he calls “fruit stapling”) and how the Scripture explains true change occurs. Change only occurs on a real, permanent level when the one receiving counsel comes to realize that “sin is much more than doing the wrong thing. It begins with loving, worshiping, and serving the wrong thing” (67).

Tripp contends that because humanity is created with a need to worship that all people will choose to worship something. The key to ministry is helping people see the error in their choices to worship created things instead of the Creator. Not only are people worshippers, but people are also treasure hunters, and Tripp tells his reader clearly that “there are only two kinds of treasures, earthly and heavenly and whatever we choose will become our rulers” (72). He concludes by stating, “The things we set our hearts on never remain under our control. Instead, they capture, control, and enslave us” (73). The point being that one can either be controlled by Christ and His heavenly treasure, or controlled by “earth-bound treasures” and therefore reap the consequences of that choice.

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Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands


The following series of posts is a detailed summary and review of Paul David Tripp’s book Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands. I hope that providing this will encourage you to read the book in its entirety.

Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands, by Paul David Tripp. Phillipsburg: P&R Publishing, 2002. 375 pages.

Paul David Tripp received his M.Div. from the Philadelphia Theological Seminary and his D.Min. degree from the Westminster Theological Seminary, also in Philadelphia. Tripp is a counselor at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation in Glenside, Pennsylvania, where he is the director of Changing Lives Ministries, as well as a lecturer in practical theology at Westminster. In addition to his teaching and counseling responsibilities, Dr. Tripp has also authored several books and is a highly sought lecturer and speaker.

The purpose of this book is clearly stated by the author in the preface to the body of the text. Tripp states his two-fold thesis in the following manner:
…[T]his book is about: how God uses people, who are themselves in need of change, as instruments of the same kind of change in others. This book’s goal is not just that people’s lives would be changed as they give help and receive it. The goal is to help change the church’s very culture (xi).
Within the confines of this book, Tripp gives his reader a comprehensive outline for how these two goals can be accomplished, starting with the changes needed in the heart of each individual person, and then moving out, to describe the changes necessary in the behavior of people and in the interactions between people. While Tripp seems to be stating in his thesis that the ultimate goal is the radical culture change of the church as a whole, his writing consistently points to the fact that he believes change in the church will not occur without there first being an individual radical change in the hearts and minds of every believer in the church.

To further support this statement, Tripp begins his argument in Chapter One with the most basic heart change any person can experience: the change that occurs in the heart of one who has accepted Christ as Savior. Tripp argues that the need for change in the hearts of men is due to the Fall of the first man and woman. When sin entered the world, the need immediately occurred for a Savior to redeem the hearts of a now sinful mankind. In order for someone to recognize that a change is possible, or even needed, she must first recognize the fallen nature of her own heart and acknowledge the need to be rescued from that fallen nature.

Tripp clearly states from the beginning that only God can begin the redeeming process. “From the moment of the Fall, for generation after generation, he controlled everything so that someday he could fix what had been so horribly damaged. Into this world, at just the right moment, he sent his one and only Son” (3). While salvation from the damnation we deserve for our sins is reason enough to rejoice over the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, the reader is quickly informed that, “The King came not to make our agenda possible, but to draw us into something more amazing, glorious, and wonderful than we could ever imagine” (4). There is more to this life than simply being redeemed so that we can share an eternity in Heaven with Christ; we are here to bring God glory through our actions and reactions to the world around us. Recognizing our sin and a need for a Savior and then accepting the call placed on every believer’s life to impact the lives of those around us is, Tripp states, the first step in becoming an effective instrument for change in the lives of people around us.

Chapter Two moves in a logical order from the main idea of Chapter One. Once a person has surrendered her life to Christ, there are certain things she should now be doing as one who is living in the grasp of the Redeemer. The overall theme of the second chapter is summed up in the following statement: “God transforms people’s lives as people bring his Word to others” (19). According to Tripp, this is the second step in the process of becoming a people helper; Christians are not to be those who simply refer their lost or hurting neighbors and family members to the church pastor. Rather, each person who has experienced a saving knowledge of Christ is called to bring Christ’s message of hope and peace and redemption to whomever in their life needs the message. Tripp continues to support his thesis of radical church change by focusing in this chapter on the idea that “in the biblical model, much more informal, personal ministry goes on than formal ministry” (19). His concept in this chapter is to enforce the idea that radical change is not solely the responsibility of paid church staff, but that, as a body, each member of the church is responsible for proclaiming the Word so that people’s lives will be dramatically changed.

Tripp spends a significant amount of time in this chapter answering the key question of any ministry: “What is the best way to minister biblically to another person?” (24). He answers this question in two ways. First he explains what biblical ministry is not. He states that biblical ministry is not the practice of throwing trite advice and biblical-sounding platitudes in the general direction of a hurting individual. He states that the topical, encyclopedic use of Scripture is an incorrect use of Scripture. In this vein of thinking, Tripp states, “If I handle Scripture topically, I will miss the overarching themes at the heart of everything else God wants to say to me…The sad fact is that many of us are simply not biblical in the way we use the Bible!” (27). Instead of simply stating the problem and moving on, Tripp does a good job of giving logical examples of how to use the Bible correctly in ministry situations. He then gives the reader what he calls the three overarching themes of Scripture: God’s sovereignty, God’s grace, and God’s glory. Next, these three things, he states, must be communicated to the hearer before any true change can take place in the heart. And change, Tripp concludes, “is the central work of God’s kingdom” (35).

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Close Friends or Entangled Hearts?


The following is a critical review of the article cited below.

Dykas, Ellen. “Close Friends or Entangled Hearts? Joys and Dangers in Woman-to-Woman Friendships.” Journal of Biblical Counseling 21, no. 1 (2006): 24-28.

The subjects of codependency and female relationships have been thrust to the forefront of Christian discussion in recent years. With the cultural acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle, women who struggle with unhealthy relationships now have society’s approval to follow their desires to their natural, fleshly ends. Such unhealthy—and when we are honest and biblical in description, sinful—relationships do not occur overnight. They are the culmination of weeks, months, and even years of compromises and concessions in standards and integrity. Author Ellen Dykas points out that “lesbianism simply adds touch and sexual involvement to an already present idolatrous heart entanglement” (24). Dykas’s work addresses the recognition and correction of one of the foundational stumbling blocks encountered by those seeking healthy interaction between women: creating an idol of the heart out of a friendship.

Dykas begins her work with a personal story about the desire for heart-to-heart connections with other people. She points out that God created people to desire connections and relationships. Personal connections are how we relate to one another and how we relate to God. A problem arises when people begin desiring relationships with one another more than a relationship with God; relationships that were once healthy quickly become “a dark counterfeit” (24). The focus of this article is answering the question, “What is a ‘godly friendship’ for women?” (24).

The answer to this question is sought by first giving an example of what a godly friendship is not. Dykas shows how women “are drawn to care, to initiate nurture, concern, and emotional intimacy with others” (24) and how this natural tendency can draw them into entangling relationships. Dykas says most previous attention has been given to women making their families the objects of their idolatry. Today the focus has shifted more to “how women get entangled in people worship with other women” (24).

The summary case study given in the article gives a clear and thorough example of how a relationship that appears godly and positive can quickly become an entanglement of hearts. The behavior exhibited by the two women in the story has become frighteningly common within ministry, and while this specific behavior is the focus of this article, Dykas accurately points out that “idolatry is not active in only one kind of person, but in all human hearts” (25). After describing a clear example of a heart entanglement, Dykas moves on to discuss what the Bible says about such relationships. She points out that these types of relationships are addictive and easy to fall into because they often begin in innocent and even religious ways.

The second section of the article poses questions for the woman who may be wondering if she is involved in an entangled friendship. While there are questions to ask and Scriptures to read, Dykas does a good job of reminding the reader that it is an active communication with God that will ultimately begin to reveal entanglements and idolatry in the heart. After asking several difficult questions, Dykas realizes that the reader/counselee may feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable, and she wisely points out that the purpose of such questions of accountability is not condemnation but restoration. She stresses that “the entanglement of an idolatrous friendship is sinful bondage and God wants to destroy it, cleanse you, and bring redemption to bear” (26).

Dykas presents a firm concept of an entangled relationship, and then quickly moves to discussing the characteristics of a healthy relationship. Much like she posed questions that would expose entanglement in the previous section, Dykas gives qualities supported by Scripture that show how women will behave toward one another when they are involved in healthy, godly relationships. The qualities discussed address the relationship between two women, the relationship each woman has with God, and the relationships each woman has with the other people in each of their lives. The theme of this list brings the reader to understand that a relationship, when healthy, moves each woman to a greater knowledge of and intimacy with Christ.

Sequentially Dykas has moved from the character of an entangled friendship, to the character of a healthy friendship, to step-by-step instructions of how to end unhealthy friendships and finally shows the reader how to enter into and maintain relationships that are both healthy and godly. As with all sin “that so easily entangles” (Hebrews 12:1), the steps for breaking free of this particular sin are: confession, repentance and accountability, open communication concerning the sin, trusting in God for forgiveness and redemption, and growth and discipleship through biblical study (27).

Dykas concludes the article by giving “five stepping stones that help in understanding God’s view for friendship” (27). These steps include intense Bible study, honest identification of sin, godly interaction with others, daily reflection and examination of the heart, and consideration of Jesus as the model for interaction with others. In conclusion, Dykas ends with this powerful statement which is the key to becoming victorious over any sin: “A deep-hearted, fervent love for others will only flow from hearts that have been purified by obedience to the truth” (28)! By confronting the why questions instead of simply examining the what questions of behavior, Dykas reinforces this foundational issue; all sin is a heart matter, and when our focus is Christ and not the things of this world, entangling sin of all types will lose power over the souls of man.

This is a well thought-out, solidly written article that gives clear biblical instruction concerning the whys and the hows of both godly and sinful relationships. While the article is geared specifically towards relationships between women, the biblical principles are given in a way that they can be shared in the correction of any ungodly relationship between people of either gender. The strength of this article is the logical progression and presentation of the author’s ideas.

By first setting up the idolatrous relationship, Dykas allows the reader to bring to mind a specific relationship in her life. Whether that relationship is a personal one or the relationship of a client, family member, or friend, by giving the problem first, Dykas gives the reader the opportunity to put a personal face to the issue. No longer is this simply an article in a journal, but it now has a personal quality for anyone who is facing this issue. Giving the problem first draws in the reader and encourages her to continue reading. As she continues to read, she will find the solution and the steps to ultimate healing and redemption. Those steps are addressed in the following order: here is the current situation, here is the ultimate resolution to the problem, and here are the steps to follow to get from point A to point B.

While Dykas gives many insightful personal observations, it is her use of biblical writing that supports all thoughts and opinions on specific Scripture. This is a quality piece because the author is not simply giving personal insights and advice but is instead showing that Scripture is the solution to the problem. It is quite easy to argue with a counselor who is giving personal anecdotes. It is much more difficult to argue with Scripture, and Dykas adamantly encourages the reader to use Scripture when dealing with sins of the heart. This is particularly clear in two separate points made in the article. The first is a point made in the discussion concerning moving out of entanglement and into holiness. Many people desire to keep a friendship that has been previously sinful. The thought can be, “But this person really is my friend, and God made me to have friends and to love other people!” But Dykas points out that while God redeems us individually when we have become entangled in sin, “this is not a promise that an idolatrous relationship with be transformed this side of heaven” (27). This is a concept many people have a difficult time grasping, and it is encouraging to know that the reality of idolatrous relationships is being addressed by biblical counselors today.

The second point that is particularly important in the current culture is to use biblical vocabulary when discussing issues with people. Our culture has given everything a psychological label and made all behavior and thoughts somehow the fault of our upbringing or environment. True healing can only begin to occur when someone realizes that they have a sin of idolatry and not an issue of codependency. Healing, redemption, and restoration cannot begin until someone recognizes and acknowledges behavior as sin, and changing one’s vocabulary is often the first step in that process.

This article is well-written, and can be used as a clearly planned starting point for anyone addressing the issue of idolatrous entanglements. If women can get their relationships with Christ back to a healthy standing, sins of the heart can often be prevented from becoming painful sins of action. While this article focuses specifically on relationships between women, the true theme is the relationships women have with Jesus. The steps to healthy relationships given by Dykas have nothing to do with restoring the sinful relationship; in fact, she clearly points out that sometimes that is simply not God’s plan. The focus, rather, is the relationship each woman has with Christ. When the focus is placed on Him and relationships with Christ are restored, our relationships with one another will be taken care of by Him.

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Fathers and Daughters


If He so chooses, God speaks through rock music.I’m not sure John Mayer had that intention in mind when he recorded his song “Daughters,” but it spoke to me in a very spiritual and relational way not too long ago. This song is written from the perspective of a young man who is in a relationship with a woman who is the love of his life; he just can’t seem to convince her that she is worthy of that title. He says:

I know a girl/ she puts the color inside of my world/

But she’s just like a maze/ Where all of the walls all continually change/ And I’ve done all I can/ To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands/ Now I’m starting to see/ Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me/

He loves this girl. But as much as he loves her, needs her, tries his best to be her everything, he just cannot seem to figure out what it is he is going to have to do to get her to return his love and trust and affection. Now I’m sure that no man in this room has ever felt like the woman in his life is a maze whose walls move, but in that last line, he gives a very good observation that every man in the world should notice:

Now I’m starting to see/ Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me.

In the chorus, he gives an invaluable life lesson to all fathers and future fathers:

Fathers, be good to your daughters/
Daughters will love like you do.

He then says:

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers/
So mothers be good to your daughters too

But that’s another topic for another writing. This truth about fathers and daughters is something that we overlook in our culture today. In a time of feminism and the empowerment of women, we have forgotten that little girls need their daddies. It’s not enough that we are taught to be strong and independent and freethinking. A woman’s very self worth is found in the approval or disapproval of the men in her life. Daddies are the first men in our lives that give us a sense of security and protection. He is the one that confirms our femininity—or destroys our self worth and creates a world of insecurity.

An example of this can be found in the story of Susan. Susan had spent all afternoon getting ready for her first school dance. Being the typical tomboy, she had never really been interested in dresses or makeup or high-heeled shoes, but Susan had begun thinking these things might not be so bad. In fact, she even felt good in her new dress and was excited about the thought of putting on her mother’s makeup and being a “real woman.” She fought with the foundation, nearly poked her eye out with the eyeliner, and had to try twice to get her lipstick on straight, but when she looked in the mirror, she knew her persistence had paid off. She went downstairs and asked her father, “How do I look?” Her father looked up from his paper, smirked and said, “Who hit you in the eyes?” Susan said that she remembered running back upstairs in tears and locking herself in the bathroom and vowing that her first attempt at her new feminine look would be her last.

That one brief and, in her father’s mind, teasing moment shaped Susan’s view of herself for years to come. Why? A father’s approval or disapproval of his daughter shapes a girl’s image of herself. Whether you know it or not, you hold tremendous power over your little girl and her own self worth. Even if she doesn’t let on, your opinion is of vital importance to your daughter, no matter how young or old she it.

Our songwriter discussed this in his second verse:

Oh, you see that skin?/ It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away/ Now she’s left/
Cleaning up the mess he made.

Often that mess ends up being her life. But this is such a depressing thought. What can we do to keep this from happening? There are some very easy ways. Love her, hug her, tell her she’s beautiful, never tease her or make fun of her, even if she’s tough and she can take it. Even those of us who are as tomboy as they come still have the hearts and emotions of little princesses. Be observant and do the little things that she doesn’t think you will notice. When I was in the sixth grade I tried out for the varsity basketball team at Ooltewah Middle School. I was so nervous about it because I was only in the 6th grade and I just knew that I didn’t have a chance of making the varsity. It didn’t help my nervousness that I knew my dad lived and breathed basketball. Lucky for me, Coach Crawford was no dummy, and he didn’t think it wise to be cutting a 5’8″ eleven year old, so I got to call home that morning during homeroom and tell my mom that I had made the varsity basketball team. When I got home that afternoon, I got off the bus and was greeted by a large cardboard sign that said, “Congratulations Rebekah” with basketball and confetti drawn all over it. It was taped to our garage door. My dad knew how important that was to me, and he encouraged me to go for it even when I didn’t think I could make it. And when I did make it, he made sure I knew how proud he was of me. Now of course, I was a 6th grader and was way too cool to ever let my dad know how much it meant to me, but 14 years later, I still have it.

My dad goes the extra mile like that now. A few months ago, he and Kevin Smith had the opportunity to have a boys’ night out at a Titans game in Nashville. Of course, since it was a boys’ night out, Dad asked Joseph to go with him. This of course left me fuming, because Joseph doesn’t have a Titans jersey with his name on the back of it; but I do. But dad called at half time to tell us just how good their seats were, and he asked me if there was anything he could bring home from the game for me. I told him he could bring home Drew Bennett, who is the Titan’s beautiful wide receiver. That was of course my sarcastically impossible request just to let him know I was still furious that I didn’t get to go. But when I left to go to work the next morning, a felt team flag was lying under my car keys on the table, and on the team flag was a huge picture of Drew Bennett. My dad brought Drew Bennett home for me! This isn’t to make anyone else feel bad, or to give you the impression that my dad and I have a perfect relationship. In fact, the 14 years between those events were tumultuous to say the least. But he has always gone the extra mile to make sure I knew that he wanted to be the most important man in my life.

This is the part where I give the daughters a hard time. Mr. Mayer addresses the reason for this tumultuous time in his last verse:

On behalf of every man/ Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

At first, I was a little skeptical of that line: “You are the god and the weight of her world.” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how true that is. Dads should not be our gods, but when we are little, when our personalities are forming and being formed, our fathers shape how we see God. Genesis 1:27 says that both men and women are created in God’s image, which means that God possesses both male and female characteristics. He is the perfect parent because He is as tender, nurturing, and compassionate as He is firm, upright, and powerful. But because we refer to God as our Heavenly Father and not our Heavenly Parent, we often try to squeeze God into the mold that we have formed in the shape of our fathers. When we are young, our parents are our sole caregivers. We need them to provide everything for us. In the ideal situation, our parents enable us, as we grow older, to look less to them for our every need and look more to God for those needs. But unfortunately, our parents are not perfect and they are not always able to make that transition for us. That’s when our perceptions of our fathers can skew our perception of our Heavenly Father.

That’s what happened with me. I allowed my perceptions of my father to create misconceptions about God. When I was young, I thought my dad could do no wrong. He was the larger than life superhero that swooped into people’s lives in time of need and made things better. He was the rock people leaned on, the counselor who provided advice, and the teacher that lovingly corrected and taught people the truth. But as I got older, I began to see that most people only contacted my dad in times of need. When someone died suddenly, people called my dad. When a spouse walked out, when a child was arrested, when someone had made poor life choices and had hit rock bottom, then they called my dad. I began to see that people only needed my dad in times of crisis, and this shaped how I saw my dad as well. I began only allowing him in my life in times of crisis. “Dad, I overslept and am late for school.” “Daddy, I overdrew my checking account—again.” “Daddy, I really don’t want to go out with so and so tonight. Can you tell me I can’t so that I don’t have to tell them I don’t want to?” Other than that, I didn’t see why he needed to be in my life. I even began learning to do things for myself so that I didn’t have to bother him. I thought there were too many other people in crisis that needed him that I only needed to “bother” him in times of crisis.

I began looking at God the same way. Why should I go to Him with the little things in life when there are famines and wars and divorce and drug use and abusive parents? I began to let my relationship with God slip away because I didn’t want to bother Him with my little everyday problems. It has only been the last few months that I have begun healing those relationships not only with my spiritual father, but also my physical father. I recently read in a counseling book that “God as our true parent is not only concerned with the spiritual aspect of our lives, but he is also interested in the more mundane facets of our existence.” God is interested in our everyday, boring lives in Chattanooga, TN! He is interested in what I did at work today, He wants me to tell Him how ticked off I got at what my friend said, He understands how I could care less about working out today.

Have any of you allowed your perception of your earthly father cloud your view of your Heavenly Father? If you have, think about this: we often see God as the powerful, disciplinarian that sits in the clouds waiting to strike us down when we do wrong. On the other hand, we see Jesus, the Son as the loving sacrificial brother who hears our petitions and speaks on our behalf to the Father. While it is true that Jesus prays on our behalf when we don’t know what to pray, we must also remember that in the Trinity, Jesus and God are one in the same! Read through the Bible and find passages that describe Jesus. God as our father is loving, compassionate, kindhearted, tender. My favorite passage about Jesus is Mark 10:13-14 “And they were bringing children to Him so that he might touch them; and the disciples rebuked the parents. But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them, ‘Permit the children to come to me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'” This is a picture of our heavenly father. He desires us to be like little children. He wants us to crawl up in His lap and tell him all about our day. He loves us no matter what, and wants desperately to be a part of our lives.

But you might be saying, that’s all good, but I’m an adult, so what is there to do to heal the relationship with my dad? Like God, it’s never too late to come home. Dads, if it’s been a while since you’ve done it, tell your daughter that you love her, tell her that she’s beautiful, hug her when you see her. Do those little things that make women feel special. And daughters, don’t think that your dad isn’t interested in what’s going on in your life. Unless you play golf in the PGA or drive a stock car, he might not necessarily understand what’s going on in your life, but that doesn’t make him any less interested. Tell him about your work, your family. Ask him for advice, even if you don’t need it. We are self sufficient, independent women, but dads like nothing more than to feel needed.

So let him know that he is still needed.